How to Surrvive Norrisville High
by 0Amelia0
Summary: Everything you need to know about getting through your four years at the demented school you are being forced to attend, including dodging the Stank, living through classes, avoiding weird/creepy students, and surviving field trips.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned or phrases from the TV show.**

**I put this up because it is a technical paper I wrote for school** **a while ago, and I wanted to see how good (or bad) people thought it was.**

How to Survive Norrisville High

Introduction

If you are reading this, then your parents have probably enrolled you in Norrisville High School. They have most likely told you "It is great!", and that "you'll love it!", and they have possibly told you about all their wonderful memories. But you've heard the rumors. You know that your parents are dirty liars! Norrisville High is not a lovely little haven that you can visit in times of trouble. It's not even just a school.

This guide is full of tips on how to survive the horrid place, and maybe even make a name for yourself. It will deliver you from the ruse of the evil lizard-sorcerer in the basement, will keep you safe from the crazed teachers and the killer field trips to killer man-made volcanoes with giant, killer, red-orange amoebas (not to mention that weird Julian kid).

Materials Needed

confidence in yourself

your own lunch

the Golden Doctor's Note

Stevens

Bucky the band geek

pepper spray

some juicy gossip

Coach Green's flame thrower

fire proof clothing

a nice vacation spot

good aim

How to Survive. . .

The Stank

Watch out for The Stank. Run if you see it! (Though it may still find you if you are the one it's looking for).

Never let yourself feel unwanted or be embarrassed by the "mean judge", or become scared. That is how the Sorcerer will know that he can use you.

If The Stank takes possession of you, then you will turn into a big, freaky, bug-eyed monster. You do not want that to happen. Being a teenager, it would only give you another crisis to be depressed about.

Always remember, NINJA. N—Nobody panic. I—Insist, nobody panic. N—Nobody, and I mean nobody, panic. J—Just don't panic, nobody. A—And get out of the Ninja's way.

How to Survive. . .

Teachers

First let me tell you about Principal Slimovitz; he is not that hard to survive. Just don't stay after school, no matter what. He likes to dress up like "a big baby cowboy". Talk about weird! Also, never eat school lunches. Skip lunch completely if you have to. To be clear, Taco Tuesday they should rename it Road kill Tuesday. Slimovitz always uses the school lunch budget to repair his car, which monsters seem to love to destroy.

Moving on to Mrs. Driscoll, the science teacher; she always has the skeleton of Mr. Driscoll-the demented scientist- with her and likes to pretend he is still alive by treating him like a puppet. Your best option: transfer to a different class.

Finally, Coach Green. In order to get out of the deadly P.E. games, such as Hopskorch, you will need a golden doctor's note. This note allows you to get out of any physical activities even if you do not really have any medical problems. You will have to go to the boy's locker room first. Girls, good luck with that. Next you should find Julian literally hanging in one of the lockers. Sadly, you will need his help. Julian has a map to The Golden Doctor's Note. But be careful! The Sorcerer will try to possess you with The Stank.

How to Survive. . .

Students

Obtain a Stevens. Stevens is the cool band geek that goes around "burning" people with his trombone. Also, if you ever make a lame joke you will want to do it around Bucky, so at least one person will laugh.

Do not ever go opening every single locker in the boy's locker room if you are a boy. Julian will be in one (as mentioned before), and no one wants to make any sort of contact with him. He is a weird kid that looks like he tries to be a cross between a goth Willy Wonka and a vampire. He is seriously strange. Start talking about rainbows and being alive and other good things if you ever run in to him and he will run away in terror.

Beware Bash! Bash, the school's bully, is insanely stupid. You do not want to go near him unless he is having a party, then you will want to get an invitation. Use your pepper spray if you do run into him.

If you want to be cool you will have to appear on Heidi Wienerman's show, the show of the coolest girl in the school. Just do not hang out- or even talk to- her brother, Howard. Stay after school if you need some gossip for her (you would have to be pretty desperate). But prepare to see Slimovitz.

How to Survive. . .

Field Trips

Mrs. Driscoll will take you to Mount Chuck, Norrisville's man-made volcano (the one with the killer amoebas), and the main field trip of the year. Don't want to go on a life threatening adventure? Then just stay with your partner and have fun at the Museum of Silt.

If you want to go up to the volcano, make sure you take Coach Green's flame thrower with you. Blast the amoebas with it then they will crumble and fall apart.

The amoebas are inside the volcano, so they should not be too much of a problem. But if you do forget the flame thrower you can always unplug the volcano so it erupts again. Tip: do not to wear anything combustible.

Safety Hazards and Special Info

Honestly, the biggest safety hazard is living in that no-hope, nightmarish, nefarious, necromancer infested town known as Norrisville.

Go on vacation somewhere else every Halloween. The Ninja is known for accidentally bringing Mr. Driscoll back to life so that he can use his doomsday device on the entire town.

Make sure your pepper spray is pointed the right way.

NINJA

. /GossipReport

.net

.org

' Julian

Trouble Shooting

If you have trouble finding The Golden Doctor's Note, or if your friend gives it to Julian, then remember this: the best way to avoid an attack is to avoid an attack.

If Stevens is ever sick use Bucky instead so he can zing people for you.

If talking about good things doesn't get rid of Julian then spray him with pepper spray. That should entertain him long enough for you to be able to run away.

If your field tip partner turns out to be a numbskull who wants to go up to the volcano don't let them fool you. The five foot rule applies to both of you, so if they stray five feet away just stay where you are. Neither of you want detention. And you certainly don't want to be chided by the Driscolls.

Conclusion

I hope that you have found this guide very informative. You'll really need it, unless you were chosen as the Ninja. If so then just use The Nomicon. It has a lot better information than this thing. But, if you are not the Ninja then this is the best source of information you can hope to get. This guide is to you as the Nomicon is to the Ninja. So good luck to all you poor souls. Remember, your parents did this to you.

Glossary

The Stank- a green misty fog, sent by the Sorcerer to possess the desperate

The Ninja – guardian of the school the, Ninja protects people, so if there is ever a monster around he can protect you

Hopskorch- like Hopscotch but with fire and a lot of burning

To burn- to mentally beat someone by coming up with a better insult; to set fire to

A zing- to burn

Numbskull- someone who does not think things through very well; a foolish person

The Nomicon- the Ninja's book that holds all the information to surviving Norrisville

10


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